Tuesday, 27 March 2012

The 'gym' problem

I'm on one today.....
So here's my deal with the gym. EVERYTHING.
Don't get me wrong, i love the gym. I love my training, its like my little escape from the real world where i can pretend that what i'm doing is actually making a difference. But what i don't enjoy is the people in the gym. YOU RUIN MY EXPERIENCE. 
I'll start with the ladies:
Some ladies in the gym are lovely and are there, like me, to exercise. Some of you however, NEED TO RETHINK YOUR MEMBERSHIP! It is not possible to be in the gym with a full face of make up and your hair done all perfect. It's just not right. But i suppose for you it's okay because you wouldn't know what a bead of sweat was if it squeezed itself out of your foundation clogged pores. These girls don't come on their own either, they come in pairs and they'll normally be walking on a treadmill at a slow enough pace so that they can still carry on a conversation. What is with that? oh i know....IT'S POINTLESS BEHAVIOUR! I'm there sweating my arse off getting my moneys worth and you are there annoying me. Shame. On. You. 
The other type of lady that gets on my wick in the gym is the super competitive one. Wowza. There are some girls in the gym that for some reason take it upon themselves to compete with me. And i have no idea why! I am not interested on whether you can do things better than me. I'm not gonna come over and shake your hand and slowly applaud you whilst you stand there arm across chest whilst the gym plays the national anthem over the speaker. Its just never going to happen because quite frankly i couldn't give a shit. So when your eyes are burning into me waiting for my reaction....ill probably look at you and smile. Because THAT WILL REALLY ANNOY YOU! 

Okay..now the fellas.
You bunch are about 25% of the reason i go to the gym because i'll not deny it.. I loooooovvveeee to watch boys flex their muscles and get a bit sweaty. It makes my day complete. But when these meat heads get together the amount of testosterone that fills the gym is so much that even i can feel a beard starting to grow. I mean seriously...Its tooooo much. And after every few reps they check themselves out in the mirror and look round to see who's looking at them. I get that you work hard for your amazing body but guys...no one likes a guy who's head is so far up his own arse that they just go full circle. And then if you try and strike up a conversation with any of you, you then learn that the reason your body is so beautiful is because you were born without a brain. And it's upsetting and dream wrecking. FALSE ADVERTISING! 
Now the other guys in the gym are the guys who want to be like these massive posing gimps. These come in groups of 5 or more and train pathetically. They also like to make me feel like i'm at risk of a gang rape at any moment. If you want to stare, fine. But please do it in a way that i am unaware you are doing so. Thanks so much. 

So yeh...2 rants in one day...you lucky buggers. 

nice to TWEET you 


The 'man' problem

I am a 22 year old girl...i have had a number of boyfriends and a number of men in my life and i'm not gonna sit here and praise any of them. I am definitely a man hater...no actually, i just don't understand men at all. And just when i think i do..BAM! one of them goes and does something that completely boggles me and i'm back to a confused royal mess. 
I blame my name. Cassandra means 'ignored by men' so i guess i had this coming. But i am going to list the things that annoy me and confuse me..because if i didn't then reading this would be pointless

  1. Why do guys think the grass is always greener? BECAUSE IT ISN'T it might look like it is...but the chances of it actually being better are so slim that its probably not worth it. Believe me!
  2.  Why is it when they go and have a go on the new pasture they think we won't find out? WE ALWAYS DO! because you are all shit liars and i can see through it all like cling film. 
  3. Don't try it on with my mates. They love me more than you and they will tell me. 
  4. Just because you're fit doesn't make you better than anyone else. So therefore don't talk to me like a piece of dog shit you've just stepped in because i will make you eat dog shit. 
  5. Don't think that by telling me i'm pretty and you like my tits that i'm going to play with your penis. Thanks for the compliment but it takes a bit more effort than that. 
  6. Don't tell me you're looking for a girlfriend when you're not. You might think its a fast track way into my knickers but i won't believe you because i know you'll only sleep with me and then say......oh yeh that's right, NOTHING! 
  7. Also don't treat me like a girlfriend but say we're not together. THATS JUST ANNOYING! 
  8. When you're with your mates don't act like the hard man and then as soon as they disappear its all 'babe' this 'baby' that. It makes me want to hurt you.
  9.  I get i'm your friend and we may or may not have had sex, but please don't drop me as soon as you find a piece of fanny. It's just rude and i'm obviously not your friend in the first place if that's what you think is okay. 
  10. THERE IS JUST NO BALANCE! you are either too much or too little. Why don't you just want the same things we girls do.... A SENSE OF NORMALITY!!!
Okay, ten is enough for now...and i get that to you men, us women are like crazy bitches who need serious help but we are obviously the more awesome species so get with the program fellas and STOP THE IRRITATING...seriously....enough.


for more moaning check Tweetin'ell

Saturday, 24 March 2012

The 'big' girl problem

Okay so here we go....
So i have been blessed with the gift of height. I am 5ft 11. A lanky bugger some might say, but as i've got older i've learnt to appreciate this and i love being the tallest girl in most places. However...i hate being called big. Call me big and you will feel the wrath of my 35in inside leg whipping against your face. 
For example...
I, like most other girls on the planet adore my high heeled shoes. When i go out in town...i like to wear these shoes because they make my legs, arse and boobs look tremendous. And yes, with these shoes i am about 6ft 3 so i'm bound to get noticed. But if you wish to make comment on how lengthy i am please refrain from sentences such as this..."WOW, YOU'RE A BIG GIRL AREN'T YOU!?!" 

there is a huge difference between being big and being tall. 
If i was this tall and a size 32 then yes i would expect all the big comments and fat jokes in the world but as a girl who works damn hard to keep my figure, i get awfully offended when you people with little vocabulary call me something i'm not. 
I know that half the time its not meant the way its said, i get that. But jeeeeez. 
I'm just hollaring for all us longlegged lovelies! 
Its not nice to be out thinking you're looking fly and then some short cretin comes and pisses all over your cornflakes and suddenly you feel like the token fat mate. And lets not deny it....we all have one. 
So in conclusion....when i stroll past you looking like a magical unicorn with golden sunshine hair and legs like ribbons don't think big....think WOW YOU STATUESQUE GODDESS! ahahaha or if i'm not your cup of char.. SHES AWFULLY ALTITUDINOUS FOR A LADYFOLK. 

And yes i am fully aware that in the thesaurus that when you look up tall it says big....but you know what....i dont care. Because its wrong and i'm right. DUH! 


So....a bit about me.

Oh heyyyyyy
So...where to start? My name is Cassey BB, most people call me Cassbag. I am unsure as to why this is..but it happens. Okay, so i'm 22 years old. I live in a tiny Emmerdale-esque village just outside the arsehole of the world that is more commonly known as Gainsborough. Google it...it'll blow your mind. Yes it is classed as lincolnshire.. however my address is South Yorkshire and i like it that way. Not like i speak like i'm from yorkshire....THANK GOD! ahaaa i jest. I am currently trying to find my niche in life...which is proving difficult because all i appear to be good at is being a dickhead. SHOCK. 

Things i like: Exercising, food, family, friends, driving, music, men....correction. the male anatomy. (its more of an appreciation than a like), beauty things, hair things, booze, awkward situations, being inappropriate and my puppy. 

Things i dislike: Most people, fruit cake and money. 

<<< So yeh that's me... fit aren't i? JOKE.

I don't really know what else to say right now...although i will warn you, my blog is gonna be my place of pure whinging. If you don't like it, don't read it. Right...that'll do kids.
Check my twat  i mean twitter - Tweet me bitches!
Or my FaceNovel -hmmm u want to read my face?